


The Second Battle for New York (a.k.a. The Life Before The Life of Bucky Barnes)

by Scarlet_Witch_Angel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aliens, Battle, Battle of New York, Chitauri - Freeform, Inspired by Art, Inspired by The Life of Bucky Barnes, M/M, New York, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, fun with instagram, inspired by fiction, the life of bucky barnes, troubles with darker sides
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-03 18:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6622123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlet_Witch_Angel/pseuds/Scarlet_Witch_Angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Bucky Barnes had his Instagram for therapy purposes to share with his doctor (and everyone else in the world), he'd had another but only one picture was ever posted. This is the story of what and why.</p><p> </p><p>This story is inspired by two amazing artists in their own rights, with their permissions. One is the artist of the The Life of Bucky Barnes series, Petite-Madame. The other is the one who writes the stories of the same name to go with the artwork, stephrc79.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before the Battle

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Life of Bucky Barnes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3376088) by [stephrc79](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephrc79/pseuds/stephrc79). 



> As I said, this story is inspired by the works of both Petite Madame and Stephrc79. The art and story of The Life of Bucky Barnes is amazing and you HAVE to give it a look. Both have given me permission to write this story and I REALLY hope I do them justice.
> 
> This story is actually based around an art set done by Petite Madame that that she had done with Bucky in it. I loved the art set and I had originally just wrote a snippet of it. With a little shove from both of them recently - and with both their blessing - I started writing a story around this art set. I just hope I'm able to do both of them justice.
> 
> The art set by petite madame can be found here: http://petite-madame.tumblr.com/post/93231474926/barnes-rogers-for-the-love-of-god-a-big
> 
>  
> 
> In this chapter: The Chitauri are coming. The Avengers and some new recruits need to be ready by learning from the past.

<<Cap, Barnes, we need you here NOW.>>

 

Steve and Bucky were speeding through the streets of New York from their apartment to Stark Tower. They'd felt the world tremble and knew they hadn't done anything to cause it; they weren't even engaged yet, let alone married. They'd looked out the window from their Brooklyn home...

 

And Bucky could just see Steve's heart and stomach drop. This was not good.

 

Now they were racing on two motorcycles from Brooklyn to Manhattan at their top speed in full uniform. They were lucky the streets were so clear, but they knew why. They couldn't waste any time and if the cops pulled them over...  Well, all they'd have to do is stop then point to what was going on in the skies.

 

But they had a feeling the cops were a little busy themselves at the moment.

 

<<Hurry your ass->>

 

“Shut your yap, Stark!” the brunette hollered into his ear piece, “We're driving as fast as we fucking can!”

 

<<Excuse me, princess. See if I->>

 

“Both of you shut up!” Steve growled, “We're going as fast as we can, Tony. ETA five minutes.”

 

<<You have three.>>

 

Both super soldiers flinched as they heard Fury's voice come over the comms. If he was involved, it was bad.

 

“Yes sir,” they responded and their speed increased three fold. They had to get there and fast. The former Winter Soldier glanced up at the sky. He was glad it was still early on, before anything happened. He thought back to just minutes before.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“ _Buck, we're gonna have to be real careful with this one,” he heard his boyfriend utter back at their apartment while suiting up in the equipment that Tony had forced them to keep with them, just in case._

 

“ _Stevie, we'll be fine.” Bucky looked over his various guns and knives to make sure that everything was ready. He slung one of his better rifles over his back._

 

“ _You haven't fought these guys. I'm not going to lose-”_

 

_The brunette placed a gentle finger over the blonde's soft lips, leaving a gentle kiss on his cheek._

 

“ _No one is losing anyone, Rogers,” he'd spoken softly, “And we're especially not taking the risk of losing Stark this time.”_

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Once they'd reached the private garage, the two took the express elevator to the battle planning conference room, the elevator stopping at a few separate floors to pick up other passengers. They nearly ran down the halls, side by side with Sam, Natasha, Clint, Pietro, Wanda and Bruce.

 

They'd practically stumbled into the room, finding Rhodey, Tony, Scott, Fury, Thor and even Coulson and his team gathered around the table. Most seemed concerned and even troubled. There was only one who was truly angry at what was going on.

 

“You mean to tell me-” Fury started at the Asgardian as the new arrivals took their places around the room. His expression was livid.

 

“This is not of Loki's doing,” Thor insisted, “He has not had his scepter for many years now. Even so, Vision is currently in Asgard. He would not dare try this as how he has seen what occurred last time.”

 

The bald man gave a huff as they watched the 3D image that formed and moved. Nothing seemed to be coming through the growing portal for the moment.

 

“Is this really what I think it is?” Natasha uttered glancing to the model as she double checked her body suit.

 

“It's signal frequency is the exact same as from before,” Tony muttered, looking tired and already beaten.

 

“Before?” Scott tilted his head.

 

All of the original Avengers fell silent. Bucky gripped Steve's hand as the blonde's eyes fell upon the man in the Mark VIII suit. The goateed man swallowed, a shaky breath leaving as he closed his eyes. His fists were clenched on the table as if he knew hell would break loose and he might have to do what he did again.  This was why Steve and Bucky and promised each other that they wouldn't lose Tony like that.

 

“What do all of you remember hearing about The Battle of New York?” the former S.H.I.E.L.D. director asked of them.

 

The newer members except for the Soldier looked between each other. They knew that The Battle of New York had been rough on the city. In fact they were STILL repairing the damage from the battle between the Avengers and the strange alien creatures.

 

After a few minutes Bucky finally stood up, hardening a little to allow for some of his Winter Soldier analysis and information gathering to come forward. He'd been told this story from the original team and remembered hearing about it when he was still under HYDRA's control. It didn't make him like it any more or any less that this happened and he couldn't do anything about it. If anything he had just been sent back to cryo as this was happening.

 

“Battle of New York. Took place in May of 2012,” he started, pulling up the information on the table as if it were nothing. But then again, anyone who knew him well enough knew how easily he'd adapted to technology.

 

“The battle was fought in the city of New York based on the island of Manhattan,” he continued, pulling up more pictures of varying content, “It was between Thor Odinson, Bruce Banner, Tony Stark, Steven Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, and Clint Barton – the newly formed group known as the Avengers –  and Loki Odinson with the Chitauri.”

 

“What happened during the battle?” Fury asked. He knew all too well the details, but wanted to know how much everyone else knew. How much anyone who hadn't been there knew.

 

“More like what didn't happen,” Clint muttered, earning him a soft nudge from Natasha.

 

“Come on, Clint, let him talk.”

 

Bucky took a breath. He gazed at the people who had become his friends during this. He knew it was harsh for them to relive. Especially since it was part of the reason why there had been a small tear of the team that had happened. They'd been able to repair it a little, but it wasn't without hesitation.

 

“There were many injured,” the brunette answered, “Luckily there were not many casualties, though there still were some. Damages in to the billions of dollars. But that is more aftermath than during the battle.”

 

“Continue, Barnes,” Coulson nodded.

 

“The battle was fought around what was at the time Stark Tower, the epicenter because that was where the portal was located. The Chitauri entered through the portal, both individually and on ships that looked like fucked up whales.” As he mentioned this, he pulled up pictures of both the aliens on their hover crafts and the giant sentient ship creatures.

 

“Shit,” murmured Scott.

 

Coulson frowned. He'd already been taken away from the area by this point to be revived. He hadn't seen much of this. He'd only heard the stories, seen the aftermath.

 

“The only way to close the portal made by the cosmic cube – known as the Tesseract – had been the jewel on Loki's staff, known to us now as the Mind Gem.” Bucky pulled up a picture of the glowing blue cube as well as the staff once held by the adopted Asgardian. This made Tony, Pietro and Wanda look away. That staff had caused everyone problems.

 

“With Rogers giving instructions, Barton, Romanoff, Stark, Banner and Thor were able to make tactical moves and found a way to contain damage and lessen casualty numbers. After various attempts were made, Romanoff was able to get her hands onto the staff to shut the machine that was creating the portal down. However at the same time, a nuclear warhead had been sent toward Mahattan.” Several holographic pictures, as well as video was being shown as not all of the footage from amateur videographers had been removed from the internet.

 

“Stark, being the one most capable to at the time, was able to intercept and divert the warhead through the portal and to the attacking force...”

 

Several eyes fell on the man being spoken of.

 

“But at nearly the cost of his life. At Rogers' order, Romanoff closed the portal, Stark falling through just as it closed off completely.”

 

A single video was pulled up and enlarged as all other photos, videos and diagrams were minimized. What was shown was video that a random helicopter had filmed of the portal closing and Iron Man falling from the skies. Moments later, the Hulk leapt through the scene and caught the falling man before video cut out. The video screen was minimized and Bucky stepped back.

 

“The Avengers won, then parted ways until a future time,” he finished before sitting down. Steve placed a gentle hand on his lovers shoulder, causing him to jump slightly. He blinked a couple times before taking a breath and rubbing his face in his hands. Hair from his low bun tried to fall into his face, but Steve moved it from.

 

Fury watched the two before nodding. He knew about Bucky still having that side of him from time to time. He knew that if the man had to, he could focus and route information easily enough. He'd had to perform that way so everyone heard the information or he could give the information needed.

 

“Well, the Chitauri are back. Or at least someone's trying to bring them back,” the trenchcoated man nodded, a 3D diagram of the current portal returning to the holographic tablescape.

 

“Twenty dollars it's Hydra,” Natasha quipped.

 

“Remove one head,” the American symbol rolled his eyes, sitting back in his chair.

 

“So how do we take care of it?” the shrinking man wanted to know, shifting where he stood.

 

“You are not taking care of anything,” Tony looked up at him, “You, Wanda and Pietro are gonna stay here. You're still in training. We're not risking losing you three.”  
  
“And what about Sam, James and James-”

 

“I told you Wanda,” the one 'James' sitting reminded, “Call me Bucky.”

 

“What about them? Are they not in training?” the younger of the twins questioned.

 

“Sergeant Barnes, Sam Wilson and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes all have military experience of varying degrees. They are better trained than the three of you are for battle.”

 

“But-”

 

“No buts, Lang,” Fury interrupted, “The three of you are to keep safe here until otherwise noted.”

 

“You think we are safe here?” Wanda asked, her voice questioning.

 

“Safer here than anywhere else,” the Iron Man creator replied, “Place has reinforced everything. The only metal it doesn't have in the foundation, far as I can tell, is vibranium.”

 

“So what are we going to do about this... problem?” Bruce finally asked the unspoken question as one of Coulson's team – _Fitz_ , Bucky recalled hearing – led the three trainees from the room. “They've already gone through us once and we won.”

 

“I say we follow the captain's lead once more,” Thor interjected, “He is a magnificent strategist. He is the one who led us through the first attack with little problem. He should be the one to lead this one as well.”

 

All eyes fell on Captain America. The blonde could feel them staring and Bucky gripped his hand tighter. Taking a breath, he slowly stood and looked around. He knew they depended on him.

 

“When they come in, we'll do containment until we can find a way to close the portal. Same plan idea as last time, but this time we'll have more bodies to help,” he started, looking to the three new and nodding, “If Hydra _is_ behind it, we need to locate the source of the portal. Tony, have F.R.I.D.A.Y. start scanning for any sources of power, alien or out of place. If we can shut down the portal, then we can keep them from coming in much if at all.”

 

"Already working on it, Cap."

 

“And the containment part of the plan?” Fury cocked a brow.

 

“Depending on where they focus, we'll contain to that area. An area of no more than fifty square blocks. I know it seems like a lot, but the big ones move far and fast and they're probably gonna be faster than last time. Just like us, they've probably adapted and made changes to their battle plan too. We go more than 50 blocks, we're risking a lot more than just the city. Remember, turn 'em back or turn 'em to ash.”

 

“And civilians?” the lieutenant finally questioned, crossing his arms.

 

“Law enforcement has already been advised,” Coulson answered quickly, “They're ready for the word when they have to start evacuating.”

 

The ground rumbled beneath their feet as everyone exchanged looks. Coulson's team were first on their feet, heading for the elevator. Anyone who had a weapon started checking them, seeing if they were prepared.

 

“I'll inform law enforcement to start evacuating as many people as they can or try to get people to the subways,” the formerly dead agent and new S.H.I.E.L.D. director told the team, “My team will take command center with Lang and the Maximoffs. We'll see you in a few, Nick.”

 

With that, the small team disappeared behind the elevator doors.

 

“Alright gentlemen and lady, it's time to get to work,” Fury spoke loudly, making his way toward the stairs. “You have your mission. Go save the world... Again.”

 

The door closed behind him and the team started to plan what their method of attack and defence would be. They had to lay it out now so they would know what to do. It didn't matter that it would go to shit later. They needed the plan now.

 

For their own sakes.

 


	2. Watching and Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chitauri are attacking New York. Bucky starts off at a higher point to watch over Steve but when new information is seen and recieved, he goes from sniping to hand-to-hand to make sure all goes well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this story is inspired by the works of both Petite Madame and Stephrc79. The art and story of The Life of Bucky Barnes is amazing and you HAVE to give it a look. Both have given me permission to write this story and I REALLY hope I do them justice.
> 
> This story is based around an art set done by Petite Madame with Bucky in it. I loved the art set and I had originally just wrote a snippet of it. With a little shove and blessing from both Petite and Stephrc recently, I started writing a story around this art set. I just hope I'm able to do both of them justice.
> 
> The art set by petite-madame can be found here: http://petite-madame.tumblr.com/post/93231474926/barnes-rogers-for-the-love-of-god-a-big
> 
> I did change the time frame a little bit. I know the picture is supposed to be set in an alternate 2014 (as indicated by Petite herself), however mentally I'm thinking a time frame sometime after (as mentioned in some of the pictures we'll see from Petite later on in stephrc79's later chapters) Bucky is allowed to start going on trial missions with the Avengers.
> 
> Reason how I can justify this: In the pictures used for the basis of this story, Bucky still has the red star on his arm - meaning it's still the old arm. In "The Life of Bucky Barnes," Image 25 clearly shows a white star with blue background and red outline (think center of Cap's shield) which clearly indicates this is the new arm.

 

 

Bucky kept his vigil from atop Grand Central. It wasn't so high up that he couldn't get to the ground quickly if needed. However it wasn't so low that he couldn't get good shots off on the aliens. And luckily from where he was, he still had good eyes on Steve.

 

The battle was actually going fairly well. They hadn't needed too many assists from the Avengers Tower command center. It was interesting to hear the twins talk over the comms, but every time it happened it was when they had wanted to join the fight. For the moment, Coulson and Fury seemed to be keeping the two under control.

 

For the moment.

 

<<Barton! I remember these things not banking worth shit!>> Stark called out over the comms. This caused the brunette to laugh, though making sure that his earpiece was off.

 

<<Keep in mind, adaptation and advancement, Stark!>> the archer snapped, <<It's the reason why the range is as big as it is. By the way you have five on your ass.>>

 

<<No shit, Sherlock?>>

 

This had promptly been followed by about three repulsor blasts and two explosions.

 

<<You're welcome, Tony.>> another voice came.

 

<<Yeah, thanks Rhodey.>>

 

His attention returned to the ground squad that was trying to attack Steve still.  He watched the blue, white and red figure fighting the creatures so smoothly.  It was almost like a dance to him with how he fought.  It was magnificent and awe inspiring.

 

Shaking his head, the brunette went back to focusing on the creatures and their numbers.  From what he'd learned and been told, these were a lot more than the last attack.  It was obvious to the former Winter Soldier that these things had been planning on coming back.  His question was how did Hydra learn about how to get these guys.

 

Unless...

 

He looked up, not far from where he was.  On a roof top, by where the portal was being created from, he saw them.  Two very familiar faces.  One he'd only seen in pictures.  The other...

 

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath.  He placed a hand on his ear piece.

 

“Barnes to Stark and control,” he spoke quickly.  _And anyone else who may want to listen in,_ he added silently, knowing the whole team was listening.  He pulled out his phone, snapping a couple of pictures of his area, trying to zoom in on some of the Chitauri as well as his view of where the portal was.

 

<<Hey there, Frosty!>> Tony commented first, <<How's the view from the station?>>

 

“Amazing,” he answered before sending out a mass text to all Avengers that had a phone, as well as the Avenger control center, “Especially when I'm able to get such good pictures.”

 

There was a few moments silence before...

 

<<Am I seeing this right?>> Fury demanded.

 

“I just took these,” Barnes informed, “No time for editing.  Especially when I have to keep an eye on Cap's ass.”

 

<<You know, Buck,>> the mentioned hero uttered, <<I know you know hand-to-hand.  The bridge and the helicarrier proved this.  You wanna help, get _your_ ass down here. >>

 

<<Uh, Cap,>> Tony started, sounding almost nervous, <<What was the name of the guy that tried to kill you in the elevator?  Or at least take you prisoner?>>

 

<<What?!>> Sam and Natasha's voices rang out.  The sniper glanced up as he noticed the Falcon fly past, phone in hand, pushing a couple things on his visor glasses.

 

<<Rumlow...  Brock Rumlow, why?>>

 

Several curses were heard through the comms.  Bucky also had to admit that he was mentally cursing in several different languages.  For all that was good and fair, he had wanted to be wrong.  He'd known what this man did to Steve.  And though it was believed he was dead, many in the intelligence community knew that there was a familiar face that was on the hunt.  Bucky wanted to not have to deal with him after D.C.  But it was obvious that this was not going to happen that easily.

 

<<Rumlow's in play,>> Coulson announced plainly.

 

<<Isn't that the guy->> Scott as about to question.

 

“Asshole tried to kill Steve,” the sniper murmured, “while I wasn't exactly mentally around.”

 

<<Buck...>> Steve turned around to face where he knew his lover was. Even at this distance they could sense each other's pain.  The comms made it no easier. Bucky knew Steve didn't blame him for the events in D.C.  It made it no less painful to remember, knowing that he was in the same city but could do nothing because Hydra had fucked with his brain back in the '40s.

 

<<It seems as though Loki may also be in play again,>> Fury huffed.

 

<<I'm not dying again,>> Coulson told everyone.

 

<<Not a part of the plans this time,>> Natasha answered.

 

<<If Loki truly is a part of this again,>> Thor's voice near growled over the comms, <<Then I would have words with my brother.>>

 

Bucky watched as Thor landed where the two men were.  He could hear the yelling, but not what was being said; he had better hearing, but it wasn't THAT good in a battle like this.  He also became distracted when he smelled something familiar, something he'd not wanted to ever again.

 

<<Uh... Buck...?>> a very nervous voice came over the comms.

 

“Goddamnit, Rogers,” the sniper growled. He got up from his vantage point and fired at the group that surrounded the American symbol, taking down each enemy in easy succession. “Which one was it?”

 

<<Fourth one you shot.>>

 

“Medical?”

 

<<Need isn't immediate. I can still fight.>>

 

“Healing factor kick in?”

 

There was a brief silence before, <<Sort of.>>

 

The sniper snorted. When Steve said 'sort of,' that usually meant that it had only just started. He sighed and stood, looking around to see if anyone was available to pick him up and move him to the ground. Unfortunately it seemed as though no one was open. War Machine was too far away. Falcon was hauling Natasha to get a closer look at some enemies. Iron Man was getting chased by some stray Chitauri (again). And Thor was 'having words' with his brother.

 

That's when he started watching the patterns and groups of the aliens flying passed. He noticed how they flew past in groups of multiple numbers and slightly staggered at that. He would use that to his advantage.

 

“On my way down,” he spoke after a few minutes.

 

Finding the perfect grouping of Chitauri, Bucky put his rifle on his back and pulled out a pistol. He jumped off of the roof of the train station and landed on the first of the highest craft of the group. Firing two shots – one for the passenger and one for the pilot – he continued down the grouping like stairs. With each landing, there were two shots fired followed by an explosion not long after. Upon reaching the final hover craft, he took his final two shots and jumped the remaining twenty feet to the ground. He ended up landing with little problem, holstering his pistol and taking out one of his daggers and taking out a few stray Chitauri as they jumped to the asphalt near him.

 

“Show off,” Steve chuckled.

 

<<The shit just happened?>> Fury questioned over the comms.

 

<<Barnes at his finest,>> Clint's voice replied, amusement none to obvious. Soft laughter rippled through the earpieces.

 

Bucky made his way over to his boyfriend, checking him over. He heard the arguments and protests from the taller, continued to search. He finally found the wound; it was on the lower leg halfway between his shin and his calf. Half growling he took out some bandages and did a quick wrap.

 

“Don't let them see you limp,” the brunette grumbled, then tapped his ear piece, “Barnes here. Can we have an-”

 

“I don't need to be evac'd, Buck. I'm still good to fight.”

 

<<We don't have time or resources to get you off the field anyway, Cap,>> Tony mentioned as the crimson and gold armor flew by, taking pot shots at some of the ground based forces.

 

<<What about me? I can get him! I'm fast enough!>> Pietro exclaimed. It was painfully obvious that the speed demon waned to get out of the control center and into the fight. Bucky almost felt sorry for the kid.

 

Almost.

 

<<I don't think you'd be able to get him back with two hundred pounds pure muscle,>> Wanda giggled at her brother. Well, at least she'd gotten that part right.

 

<<I have spoken with Loki,>> Thor's voice finally came through the comms. Bucky had to smirk, having heard the yelling at the start, <<He is trying to help us. He had cornered Rumlow to get information out of him.>>

 

“And what does your brother want in return?” Steve questioned as he flung his shield toward a beautiful line up of the aliens. The former Winter Soldier had to admit that it was such a pretty sight to see them fall so easily like that, slamming his dagger into the throat of the next creature.

 

<<Amnesty, he says. He says he knows what he did and he can help to stop it,>> was the answer.

 

<<Tell him we'll think about it. If he proves himself to actually want to help us, then I wanna see it before...>>

 

Bucky and Steve hadn't heard the end of the conversation. They found themselves surrounded by even more of the Chitauri. They stood back to back as they slowly circled around, taking in the number that they were up against.

 

“Well... This doesn't feel familiar at all,” Bucky smirked.

 

“No idea what you're thinking of Buck,” Steve chuckled, “But I'm ready for a bit of exercise. You?”

 

“After watching you warm up? I'm ready.”

 

<<Warm up? Are you kidding me?>> Sam's voice cried out as the sounds of one of the sentient crafts exploded in the background of his comm. The echo came not three seconds later as several of the aliens shrieked.

 

The chill from the screams made the two super soldiers nearly shudder.

 

“That sound...”

 

<<That sound wasn't good the first time,>> Natasha agreed, the sound of a Chitauri's neck breaking not too far from her own headset causing Steve to cringe, <<Do we need to change our plan yet Cap?>>

 

“No, keep doing what we're doing.”

 

<<Hey Frost Bite,>> Tony hummed a little.

 

“In the middle of a fight here, Stark,” Bucky rolled his eyes before lunging himself at one of the aliens, “Do we really have time?”

 

<<Just wondering if you're gonna do something with that Instagram account of yours.>>

 

He punched one of the aliens, pausing for a second. He'd had the account for less than a day and already the others were following him. He was honestly surprised but at the same time he wasn't. “Don't know. Maybe.”

 

<<Well, if you do, maybe watch me or something.>> A couple more explosions are heard after this.

 

“You should do something with it,” Steve agreed, flinging his shield and watching it bounce against three of the Chitauri before returning.

 

The former Soldier shrugged to himself. “Again, Steve... Maybe.”

 

<<Portal site located!>> one of Coulson's group – was it Fitz? - called out, <<It's about fifteen blocks north from Grand Central.>>

 

<<Fifteen from Grand Central?>> Rhodey's voice echoed, <<But isn't that->>

 

“We'll get it!” Bucky interrupted right before he was tackled by one of the aliens. He felt the wind knocked out of him and he could have sworn he heard and felt something crack. _Fuck, ribs are gonna suck for a while,_ he thought as he took out one of his guns and fired a couple shots into the alien's head.

 

“Buck! You okay?” Steve was frantic as he tried to help him up. Bucky took Steve's hand and slowly stood. As soon as he was up, he got right back on track. His gaze met that of the other male as he turned off his earpiece.

 

“Steve, we have to go.  Now,” he spoke. The two were paused for only a moment as the chaos around them continued to grow. Seconds later they started to jog toward the location indicated, taking down aliens as they went but also keeping it somewhat slow because of their injuries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will say this a million times if I have to! Please please PLEASE go check out Petite-Madame and Stephrc79! I wouldn't be able to do this without their inspiration and their permissions! They deserve SO MUCH LOVE!
> 
> petite-madame: http://petite-madame.tumblr.com
> 
> stephrc79: http://stephrc79.tumblr.com/
> 
> Stephrc79's The Life of Bucky Barnes Series (including Petite Madame's original instagram/tumblr art):  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/3376088/chapters/7384379


	3. Picture and Stealth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve take a moment of rest before having to continue on their way to find the source of the portal. Of course once they get to where the source is located they have to take a risk and separate, but at what cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... I honestly have to say, first part of this is the third itteration of the picture scene, with more description than the last two times I did this. But then it goes into the rest of the chapter.
> 
> Remember! Start of this story is based off of petite-madame's picture, found here:  
> http://petite-madame.tumblr.com/post/93231474926/barnes-rogers-for-the-love-of-god-a-big
> 
> This story is inspired by the works of both Petite Madame and Stephrc79. The art and story of The Life of Bucky Barnes is amazing and you HAVE to give it a look. Both have given me permission to write this story and I REALLY hope I do them justice.
> 
> This story is actually based around an art set done by Petite Madame that that she had done with Bucky in it. I loved the art set and I had originally just wrote a snippet of it. With a little shove from both of them recently - and with both their blessing - I started writing a story around this art set. I just hope I'm able to do both of them justice.

After a while, Bucky and Steve found themselves off on the side in an alleyway. They’d found if even a moment in the battle to take a breather. Even if they were super soldiers, they needed a moment’s reprieve since they were still recovering. The two hadn't been injured that long ago.

 

“You doing okay, babe?” the brunette asked, coughing and grunting as he checked his own side before glancing to the bandaged leg. The bleeding had lessened, but that didn't make him worry any less. If anything that made him want to evac the other that much more. It didn't matter that they were super soldiers, Steve was bleeding badly and needed help.

 

When he didn’t receive an answer, he grew more worried. However, seconds later he was pulled closer to his partner, a piece of his still long hair brushed from his eyes. “Stevie?”

 

“I’m more worried about you,” was uttered as a soft kiss was placed on his forehead after wiping away some dried blood. He gently placed a hand on Bucky's side, receiving a hiss and a flinch.

 

“Damn it,” the former Winter Soldier murmured, biting his lip, “That's gonna suck for a while.”

 

“No kidding. Not like my leg's any better though.”

 

<<Anyone have eyes on Barnes and Rogers?>> they heard Tony over the comms.

 

There was a soft chuckle from who they knew was Clint. <<Check the alleys near 53rd.>>

 

The two groaned. They were busted. “We can at least give them a show,” Steve mused.

 

The former Winter Soldier bit his lip a little. “And... I have a thought...”

 

The two got closer to each other as Bucky pulled his phone out. The world almost seemed to slow a little as they tried to take just this small moment. Steve wrapped an arm around Bucky’s shoulders as they heard the sounds of Natasha’s pistols and Hulk’s destruction in the background. The thunder and electricity from Thor’s hammer and lightning filled the air. Echoes of Sam soaring by and Hawkeye’s arrows entered the alleyway. The two gazed into each other’s eyes as the sounds of repulsors were slowly drawing closer to them.

 

<<There’s two figures in the alleyway,>> they heard the billionaire say, <<Not sure if it's->>

 

A choked sound echoed through the comm system before a muffled angry scream. It was hard for the former Winter Soldier to keep from laughing.

 

<<BARNES! ROGERS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!>> Stark yelled, causing Bucky to actually burst out in a fit of laughter, <<THIS IS A BATTLE! NOT A MAKEOUT SESSION!>>

 

Steve looked over toward Tony - and funny enough the phone - as Bucky hit the camera button. A soft half smile half smirk was on his lips as his partner was still laughing. He was worried about Bucky's ribs, but to hear his laughter again was good. However, it didn’t take long before-

 

A sudden sound of quick gunfire succession was heard. This was followed by the echoes of metal hitting bodies and walls. Multiple Chitauri hover crafts and their pilots fell to the ground behind the Iron Man suit. This caused the wearer to falter as he noticed the smoke from the barrel of Bucky’s pistol and the captain’s shield returning to his arm.

 

“You were saying, Stark?” Steve spoke smoothly.

 

<<Get back on the field, you three,>> Fury’s voice came, <<We have bigger fish to fry. Especially you Barnes, Rogers. You have a portal to find.>>

 

The crimson and gold suit flew off as the two soldiers looked to each other. The former Winter Soldier quickly typed up a caption and hit send. He knew that the others would get a kick out of the picture. Hell, they’d probably even laugh at it later.

 

“You ready, Sergeant?”

 

There was the cocking of a gun and cracking of knuckles. “Let’s give ‘em hell, Captain.”

 

As they left the alleyway, they glanced around the street they were on. Luckily there wasn't too much damage here; it seemed like most of the attacking was happening round Avengers Tower, the Crystler Building and Grand Central. However they did notice that there were several strays around where they were.

 

“Remind me we need to come back this way once repairs are done and the battle's over,” Bucky uttered as he checked his guns, removing any spent casings and adding more bullets as needed.

 

“Why Buck? What's here?”

 

He pointed down the street a little to an establishment that – to be honest – they'd both run by a few times when taking their morning runs. They'd always planned on it when Bucky had gotten better, but had never gotten to go yet.

 

“Museum of Modern Art,” Steve muttered, looking to his own phone and did a quick reply to Bucky's photo on his phone, putting the phone back.

 

“We've never gone. We should go.” He glanced down at the phone in his hand, smirking at Steve's response before typing a quick reply. He felt a hand on his as he looked up into a pair of shining blues.

 

“Later Buck. We have a mission.”

 

“I know.” He put the phone away taking a breath.

 

Checking their wounds, they found that they were able to get on their way again. The wound on Steve's leg was clotted and Bucky's ribs had started throbbing just slightly, meaning they were beginning to mend. It was time to keep moving.

 

They heard a roar behind them and flinched. It was one of the big ones, but they didn't have time to get to it. They started down the streets, hearing an explosion behind them as they heard arrows and small missiles fly. It was good that someone had their backs.

 

<<Portal's getting bigger boys,>> Natasha reminded as they continued on their way, <<How's progress?>>

 

<<Barnes and Rogers are about 7 blocks from the source,>> a different voice – _was it Simmons?_ Bucky questioned himself – answered her.

 

<<Why does the portal have to be there of all places?>> Rhodey asked out loud.

 

<<Don't know, and right now, don't care. We'll figure it out later,>> Sam shot back.

 

Steve and Bucky stopped and looked at each other. Why was Rhodey complaining about where the portal was? What was seven blocks away from them that he would... worry like that?

 

The star-spangled man closed his eyes for a moment. The former Winter Soldier watched him as he seemed to search through every map and detail he could remember through his head. With that eidetic memory, it wouldn't be too long before-

 

That's when he saw it. Steve had gone pale as his eyes opened. When that happened, it wasn't good.

 

“Even when we get there,” he started after turning his comm off, “it might take us a while to find it.”

 

Bucky's stomach dropped. “What?”

 

The shield-wielder shook his head, then started to run again. The sniper followed quickly followed. They had to get there quickly, they knew this. However now it seemed to be more in a panic than before.

 

“Stevie, what aren't you telling me?”

 

They ran in silence all the way to 60th, where they both took a shaky deep breath.

 

“Central Park?” Bucky breathed, his voice almost a whisper.

 

“Central Park.”

 

“Big area...”

 

The two looked at each other. They knew what they would have to do. They didn't like it, but if they wanted the portal to be closed down soon.

 

“Split up?” the brunette licked his lips slightly.

 

The blonde nodded. “Gonna have to.”

 

Steve pulled Bucky to him. He nuzzled him gently before placing a kiss on his forehead. They momentarily gazed into each other's eyes. They didn't want to leave each other by any means but...

 

“Be safe, okay Buck?”

 

“You too, Stevie.”

 

Taking gun and shield in hand, the two Avengers made their way through Central Park, dividing it so that way they would have a better search area. The park was devoid of any sort of pedestrians, so all that was heard were the sounds of Chitauri, their crafts, explosions and the wind in the leaves. It was eerily quiet as they went through, even the sounds of the zoo animals were gone – most likely indoors, to keep them safe.

 

Keeping a gun at the ready, Bucky searched his half of the giant park. He was tense as he passed by each tree, searching for any sign of Hydra or whatever. He remembered Coulson talking about a new group that a former associate of his was a part of, but didn't catch the name. It wasn't like it mattered anyway; the Avengers would defeat them soon enough.

 

Glancing around, he suddenly felt the air around him change. It was more tense, more energized. His blood was starting to boil a little, feeling a little light headed and foggy. It was a sign that something was coming, something was close by. Just where... where was it? Where was the source.

 

“Ah,” a voice spoke almost echoing in the air. The speaker was close and he knew it. “Here he stands. The man out of time and out of mind. You and the captain really are quite a match.”

 

“So you're Loki,” Bucky growled, “because I know Rumlow's voice, and yours isn't it.”

 

“And I'm sure-” the Asgardian started.

 

“Shut it,” he snapped. He turned his earpiece on so that everyone could hear what was going on. “Now tell me. Why are you here? Why help Hydra?”

 

There was a chuckle as the brunette continued to look around for the owner. “Help Hydra? Is that what they are called? Well... To be honest I was bored.”

 

<<Bored? Is he serious?>> Sam's voice murmured.

 

<<I am not surprised at my brother's actions, to be honest,>> Thor sighed, <<I am also not surprised that he is alive again.>>

 

<<Well, in Norse mythology for us,>> Clint echoed, <<Loki is a trickster.>>

 

<<Aye, that he is.  One of wit and skill.>>

 

“Bored enough to cause hell and chaos for the world again,” Bucky snorted, “I learned and heard about the last time. I've woken up at various times in the night, not realizing I'd woken up when people were screaming from nightmarish dreams on floors different than mine.”

 

<<What?>> the Falcon's voice was soft.

 

<<He's done that?>> Black Widow was worried, concerned.

 

<<Yeah,>> Steve's voice finally gave the confirmation, <<He never knew why or who until the next morning – who looked tired that they hadn't slept for hours.>>

 

<<Not since you guys left the Tower though, right?>> Iron Man's voice came through, hesitant.

 

<<No, not since leaving the Tower.>>

 

Bucky shoved the conversations to the back of his mind. What did it matter why or how he did it? He had been The Asset; he'd needed to know his targets and allies, how they thought, how they moved. There were times when he knew that Hydra'd probably fucked enough with his mind that he had some strange sixth sense. It came at the most fucked up of times, but he felt like he'd know target and ally dreams only to forget about them when he woke up.

 

“How did you do it? How did you make another portal? Your staff is gone and the Tesseract is out of your reach.”

 

Another laugh. “Much like your iron friend, your enemy has quite the amount of knowledge. Especially since they've had the Tesseract before. Then again, you and your beloved captain know all about that, don't you?”

 

Bucky hid his flinch while he heard the familiar hiss through his earpiece. Oh yes, they knew all about it alright. Enough about it that both of them had already died for it once each. They weren't about to do it again.

 

<<Bucky, stay calm,>> he heard Steve utter, <<He's trying to get into your head.>>

 

 _Doing a fucking good job of it,_ he thought to himself.

 

“All I did was give them a little hand... Just here and there. Showed them what needed to be done from last time. Gave them a little extra push... And power.”

 

<<So THAT'S where that arc reactor went! Goddamnit!>> Tony hissed.

 

<<Where are you guys?>> Clint asked, <<We know you need backup!>>

 

<<Central Park,>> Steve answered, <And we don't need->>

 

<<It's Loki. You need backup,>> the archer spoke without interruption.

 

“So you had them build a second portal for round two. Did you think we wouldn't be ready for it? That we wouldn't be ready for you?” the former Winter Soldier demanded to know.

 

“Perhaps I did... But clearly...”

 

Suddenly, a man with hair much longer than his revealed himself. _Loki_ , Bucky reminded himself as he took a few steps back. His gun was trained on the green man with gold horns.

 

<<Buck! Do not engage!>> he heard Steve call through the earpiece. He could hear the pounding foot falls in the noise background.  They were in a steady tempo, along with the pounding of his own heart in his ears.

 

<<What are Barnes' coordinates?>> Clint questioned, quickly.

 

<<If my brother does anything...>> Thor near growled.

 

“Clearly they didn't know what a thrill it would be... to take you... break you... make you mine...”

 

The man disappeared from in front of him. Seconds later, a strong grip held his shoulder and a hand was pressed against his back. It was right where his heart was.

 

Everything seemed to quiet down around him as Bucky gasped out. His vision went to a blinding white and black. His ears hummed and whistled, drowning out the voices that were calling out his name through the earpiece. His body felt cold and his mind...

 

 _Please,_ he begged mentally, _please I don't want to go back... Please..._

 

“Where are you...” he heard his voice echo. Who's voice was it? Who was he listening to?

 

His body went near limp, but he remained standing he could tell that much. His head was against his chest. What was going on? What was happening to him?

 

_SNAP!_

 

Something caused the elastic that was in his hair to break, his hair falling around his face. But that was what caused it. His own head snapped up, a cold child running through his body as everything was stiff. He searched, eyes tracking, looking trying to find...

 

“There you are, you precious Winter Soldier you. You wondrous Asset,” the man chuckle close by. Handler? Was this his new handler?

 

<<Asset? Bucky. Oh god no,>> a voice almost cracked in his ear. Familiar? Why... Why was this voice familiar?

 

<<Barnes has been compromised!>> another familiar voice snapped, <<Move to assist now!>>

 

“Do you remember your mission?”

 

A nod.

 

“Complete your mission.”

 

Another nod before replacing the pistol in his hands. The pistol could be enough, but he didn't believe it so.  It wasn't exactly completely effective last time.  No, the rifle would make better work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go look at petite-madame's stuff on tumblr and instagram and deviantart.
> 
> Go read stephrc79's story of The Life of Bucky Barnes.
> 
> Do it! They let me play in their sandboxes, the least you can do is go check out why I'm doing it!
> 
> petite-madame: http://petite-madame.tumblr.com
> 
> stephrc79: http://stephrc79.tumblr.com/
> 
> Stephrc79's The Life of Bucky Barnes Series (including Petite Madame's original instagram/tumblr art):  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/3376088/chapters/7384379


	4. Mission Takedown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Asset returns to his prior mission, only to have a pounding headache and people telling him to "come back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to write this one up. I had to be in a darker almost militaristic mindset for me to write this one. It was harder for me to write because of this. I know it's not quite there as far as military, I get it. But you need to remember even though Bucky is light hearted, Winter Soldier/the Asset is actually somewhat dark.

The Asset had made his perch on a sturdy tree branch near where the strange device was located. It was only a matter of time before his mission showed up. This thing was important to his mission. He needed to make sure they didn't destroy it.

 

The Asset was also no longer bothered by the voices in his ear. No, the thing that was causing it had been crushed under his boot. The voices were annoying and had started giving him a headache not two minutes after his handler had told him to resume his mission. Now he didn't have to hear so many voices in his ear.

 

Just the voice in his head he had to deal with now.

 

The voice in his head was screaming at The Asset, yelling for him shoving it away. There were sobs of crying. The voice in his head was demanding to come forward again, not wanting to disappear again. Not wanting to hurt or kill the mission.

 

Why was the mission so special to this voice? Who was the mission to this voice?

 

Sharp eyes kept trained on the surrounding area. There were distant explosions and strange screams, but they didn't matter. His goal was to protect the machine. His mission would be coming soon enough.

 

For a brief moment he glanced over. There was his former handler by the machine. He was a secondary measure, if only because should the Asset be preoccupied with his mission or someone trying to defend his mission. It was better that his former handler was there. The man had nearly killed his mission.

 

His mission was his own to take care of.

 

The Asset closed his eyes for a moment. He took in any sort of sound that may be surrounding him.

 

Those distant explosions.

 

The strange screeching screams.

 

The wind in the trees around him.

 

The sound of footsteps pounding on both cement and grass.

 

The Asset's eyes opened. He knew those footsteps. Frantic but authoritative. Calm but worried. There was only one person that those footfalls belonged to.

 

His mission.

 

He cocked the rifle. It was a matter of time before the target showed up in his sights. He just had to figure out what direction he was-

 

There!

 

The Asset turned and saw a red, white and blue figure rushing into view. The mission. He was making it far too easy. It wouldn't be too much longer before he'd be able to get a good-

 

 _Please don't!_ the voice cried, _Please don't kill him!_

 

The Asset shook his head, trying to clear it of the voice. The voice was annoying and he couldn't focus like he needed to. Why did he have to have this strange curse?

 

“Rogers here,” the mission spoke as he got into earshot, hand to his ear, “I have eyes on the device and Rumlow.”

 

There was silents for a few minutes as the man looked around. The Asset squinted. He could somewhat hear what was being spoken to the man, but the padded cowl got in the way.

 

“No, I don't see him. I have no eyes on Barnes and that worries me.” The mission's voice was scared, filled with concern for the one known as 'Barnes.'

 

 _Barnes! That's me!_ the voice in the Asset's head cheered, _That's us!_

 

He shook his head again. His head started to throb as the pleading voice was getting louder. The voice was trying to break his programming again. It happened last time, it wouldn't happen again. He couldn't let it happen again.

 

From his vantage point, he squinted into is sight. The shot was perfect. All he had to do was fire one right between those beautiful blues that-

 

The Asset blinked. Beautiful? Since when had a target's eyes been beautiful? Well, thinking back, he had believed that one redhead woman's eyes to be quiet lovely. This mission had beautiful eyes?

 

He pinched the bridge of his nose. There was no time to dawdle. He had to take the shot. All it would take was a matter of seconds.

 

He lined up the shot again. Right in the forehead between the eyes. That was the perfect shot. It didn't matter if he was caught. His mission would finally be complete after so long.

 

His finger slowly tightened around the trigger.

 

All it would take was just...

 

One...

 

Suddenly there was a shrill shriek that filled the air. He aimed toward where the sound was coming from, firing his weapon. Be damned he would be found, but it would keep him from getting hit. Firing at the source of the sound, there was an explosion as bullet hit the arrow that had been fired.

 

Arrow?

 

 _Hawkeye! Shit, he's clever sometimes!_ the voice laughed, _He'll keep Stevie safe!_

 

The Asset growled internally at the voice, wanting it to shut up. It was making his head hurt and causing him to lose focus. It needed to go away and the Asset swore he would make it would go away soon enough. He had to take care of his mission first.

 

He watched as his mission searched for where he was. He knew he'd been heard, and probably been found. However before he could take care of his mission, he needed to find the source of the arrow.

 

Taking cues from trajectory, angle and type of weapon, the Asset was able to follow the arrow's path. At the other end was a blonde male with a specialized high-tech bow and arrow system. He smirked, watching at how the man in purple seemed to watch him back. He took his rifle and aimed simply and true.

 

He squeezed the trigger.

 

“Barton? Are you okay?” the mission asked, a hand to his ear.

 

A grin spread across the Asset's lips. No, he hadn't killed the archer. The archer wasn't his mission. All he'd done was wound the man so that he wouldn't be able to shoot another arrow for a while.

 

“Barton, you need an evac! Don't- What? Look to my two?”

 

He frowned. He wished that he had shut the man up now, wished that he had killed the man. The archer had given away his position, he deserved-

 

 _You try to kill him, I WILL make you pay!_ the voice in his head shouted at him, forcing a large throb of pain. He held his head, holding back a grunt.

 

It also didn't help that at that second, the Asset found himself falling out of the tree. He hadn't realized he'd not only been found, but that his mission had used that disk weapon to cut the branch he was on down. What was to his advantage was the fact that the weapon was now stuck in said tree so he wouldn't be able to get to it easily.

 

Tucking in on himself, the soldier rolled away from his landing spot. It wasn't too hard and it didn't hurt nearly as much as one would think. His training was good enough to be able to get out of that situation with as little damage as possible. Assessing his situation, he found that his right shoulder was now slightly sore, but it would go away in moments.

 

“Bucky,” the mission called out, “Bucky come on! You know me!”

 

He remained silent as he watched the man. Seventy-four... no, eighty-four ways to kill him from this distance, and that was without even putting much effort into it. It would be simple, and if the archer wasn't there he would have been able to make it look like an accident. Much like he'd done with-

 

_Don't you even fucking DARE bring Stark's family into this! You caused me enough shit!_

 

Another pounding throb. The Asset took one of his daggers from its sheath. He wouldn't be able to survive many more of those pounding headaches. He had to take care of this now.

 

Remaining as calm as he could, he started to make his way toward the American symbol. He hadn't succeeded the last two times in fighting him. He had to do it this time or else they would never take him back. Then they would just-

 

“Bucky... Bucky please... Come back to us... Come back to me.”

 

The plea was soft, but it hurt no less. The mission, the target...

 

Was begging.

 

He stared at him. Why the begging? Why was he...

 

Flashes started showing in the Asset's head. A small sickly boy who was smiling. A strong older man with the same facial features staring down with worry. The same man at his side, laughing. Him again, standing before him, fear and pain in his eyes.

 

“ _Bucky?”_ a voice echoed in his mind, much softer than the other voice.

 

By this time, he had already started fighting hand to hand with the mission. They were on par with each other. It was as though the other could read his moves. This felt as though it were more of a dance than it was actually fighting.

 

Like they had practiced this before.

 

“Come on Buck. I know you can fight this.”

 

He was knocked off his feet, but used his leverage to do a leg swipe, knocking the target off his feet. Fight what? What did he have to fight?

 

“Loki's just messing with your head! He does that with people! Come on! You've fought against worse than him!”

 

But his handler-

 

The Asset growled as he slammed himself down on top of his target. The man wouldn't get him this time. He wouldn't allow him to-

 

The hair was revealed again. The face... The eyes... That man was back in his mind again. Who was this person? Why was the Asset faltering as badly as he was?

 

He didn't hear the commotion in the back ground. At least he didn't hear it clearly. He knew there was a scuffle. He'd heard an explosion and felt the heat, but he wasn't paying attention to it.

 

No. The Asset's attention was on this man and why he was haunting him. He wanted the face to go away. To leave his mind. There was only one way for him to be able to do it.

 

Frantically, he started to slice at the other. He had to finish the job. He had to get rid of the mission once and for all.

 

“No! Don't touch him! He needs to come back on his own!” his mission – _Steve Rogers, your fucking boyfriend,_ the voice chided – spoke to unseen spectators. His boyfriend? No, his mission. Had to be his mission... His target. Couldn't let anything tell him otherwise.

 

The Asset gripped the blade hilt tighter. He had to think straighter, clear his mind. He started turning the red, white and blue to shreds. As he did, crimson started to stain the fabric. The man was bleeding. That was a good start.

 

“Bucky please...” the mi- Steve pleaded again, “Please wake up... Come back to me... please...”

 

A feral growl leaves his throat. Out of pure anger and frustration, he makes multiple swift movements. Several quick stabs, leaving the blade in the last wound as if to make a statement. He stands up over the bleeding man. Another growl leaves his lips before-

 

_CLANG!_

 

Something hard and metal slammed against the back of his head hard. He stumbled a little ways before his knees gave out. He shook his head a couple times, blinking hard and breathing shaking.

 

He was Bucky Barnes.

 

He was in the middle of Central Park.

 

He was in love with Steve Rogers.

 

Glancing over his shoulder, the brunette felt his blood run cold and his skin go pale. He knew what happened... He knew what he'd done... It wasn't his fault, but he knew it was his hands.

 

He was in deep shit.

 

“Steve...” he croaked.

 

Bucky was several yards away the prone bleeding body of Captain America, the man he loved. Inches from him was the shield – most likely what hit his head. Several people were surrounding Steve right now and the former Soldier started shaking.

 

He had done that.

 

He'd killed Steve.

 

A soft hand placed itself on his trembling shoulder. He froze, tensing but his body still trembling. Who was it? Why would they try to touch him? He would hurt them like he hurt Steve. He couldn't let them do that.

 

“Bucky... Bucky come on,” a familiar voice – Sam, his mind slowly registered – spoke calmly and quietly to him, “Don't try to beat yourself up about this. This was not your fault. Loki did this to you, You didn't do this by choice.”

 

“Lock me up,” left Bucky's lips, his skin still very pallid in coloration.

 

“What?” the Falcon's eyes widened, looking to the others, unsure what to do.

 

“Lock me up,” the former soldier repeated, “Throw away the key. Delete my Instagram. I don't deserve to be free. I don't deserve freedom. I don't deserve to show the world happiness.”

 

“The hell, Barnes?!” Tony hissed, “Where the hell did this come from? We've all been mind fucked before.”

 

Bucky's breathing shook as he looked up at Iron Man. His eyes were wet with fear and pain. His actions spoke louder than words ever could, but he would speak them anyway.

 

“A-at least you didn't kill the one you love... At least you didn't kill a national icon.”

 

“No... Bucky you-” Sam started again, only for Bucky to cry out. The scream was guttural, almost unnatural.

 

“I killed Steve Rogers! I fucking killed Captain America!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go look at Petite-Madame's wonderful artwork!
> 
> Go read Stephrc79's The Life of Bucky Barnes.
> 
> Go!
> 
> They let me play, the least you can do is go to the people who inspired and okayed me to play in their sandbox!


	5. Self-Detainment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky feels as though he should be punished, even killed, for what happened in Central Park. He's unarmed and in a cell. But what thoughts are going on in his head?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!
> 
> Dark thoughts are ahead. While they are not necessarily completely triggering, there are negative thoughts and thoughts of death. To be honest, I myself had to be in a dark place to write this chapter and I don't like what it does to me sometimes.
> 
> Also, I wrote this chapter BEFORE I went to see Civil War on 5/9/16, so I have no idea if any of this hits home base at all. So, just saying, if there are spoilers, they are by NO means intentional because this chapter was done before the movie was scene.

Bucky sat alone in a sparse, bland, white room.

 

He had demanded he be locked away. It had started getting sad, almost pathetic, he'd heard the others murmur. He'd gotten to the point where he'd just started crying, blaming himself that Steve was dead. He had to be dead, there was too much blood otherwise. Not to mention he already knew the leg had bled badly enough for him to have enough blood lost.

 

Eventually his pleading had made it so that Natasha and Thor walked him to a confinement room. It'd been tested Hulk-proof so they wouldn't have to worry about him shooting or doing anything.

 

Not that he'd allowed them to let him keep his weapons. He'd surrendered them – all of them – upon returning to Avengers Tower. He'd even been removing his weapons in the car they'd brought in back him in.

 

The only thing left on him when they returned to the tower that was a weapon, he believed, was the arm.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

“ _Take it off.”_

 

_Tony frowned. “I'm sorry Barnes. You're asking me to-”_

 

“ _Take my arm off. Remove it. Get it off my body.”_

 

“ _Bucky,” Bruce tried to calm him, “That's a part of you. A part of your body. That's not anything but an arm, a hand, an elbow, fingers.”_

 

“ _It's a weapon... A weapon to kill... One that... That...”_

 

“ _You are still thinking that, brother James?” Thor asked, his voice pained and saddened._

 

“ _Clint is hurt badly. Steve is dead. This arm is a weapon that I could use to kill anyone. Take. It. Off!”_

 

“ _Bucky, Steve-” Sam started._

 

“ _Will it kill you?” Tony interrupted. It looked like the others were about to yell at him but he raised his arm to stop them.  He watched Bucky, trying to gauge his reaction for what he had just asked.  
_

 

“ _No...” was the answer, broken and near dead, “But it will fucking hurt... And... It's pain I deserve.”_

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

The process to remove the arm – the main part of it – hadn't taken long. A hour at most, Tony said afterward. Bucky hadn't screamed, hadn't yelled.  He hadn't even allowed himself to cry.  He'd suffered through any pain because he felt he deserved it. He felt it was the least he could do after killing Steve.

 

That's when he started getting louder and louder about being detained. It didn't matter to him that he was unarmed, literally and figuratively. It didn't matter to him that he was back in his own mind. He felt he deserved to be sent to jail. Tried for what he did over and over. Told to rot or even put on death row. That would see thousands if not millions happy.

 

Especially since he'd killed Captain America.

 

So he was in the detainment room now. They were feeding him (though he wouldn't eat). They would try to talk to him (but he wouldn't talk).

 

But he cried.

 

He cried. He screamed. He banged and pounded on the walls and floor. He did everything but destroy the furniture that was in the room. He would have rather destroyed himself than destroy anything the others had given him. They had been so kind to him and he had still been a sleeper. He'd been triggered and felt he needed to be put down because of it.

 

“You don't really think that, do you Barnes?” Coulson's voice came through the door.  It turned out his team was still there, trying to help with the training of the new recruits of Wanda, Pietro and Scott.  They wouldn't leave until things were back to normal at the Tower - whatever that meant anymore.  At least that's what he'd heard randomly when he wasn't screaming angry at himself.

 

“Why wouldn't I?” the former Winter Soldier rasped, “It's true.”

 

“Then why did Cap fight for you? Why did you get the best lawyers? Why have you been getting some of the best help that we can give you?”

 

“Because I'm a fucking charity case. Because everyone believes that Bucky fuckin' Barnes is a saint and one of the world's heroes. Because fuckin' Captain America is so much of a little shit that he believed that a murderous assassin was his best fuckin' friend.” Every word spoken was a growl, was spat out. It wasn't because what he said wasn't what was believed by the populous.

 

“Was he wrong?”

 

Bucky looked down, silent. His eyes were wet with tears, but he wouldn't let them fall. He couldn't let them fall. It wasn't that he couldn't cry. Just that he didn't.

 

He didn't know what to believe. He didn't know who to trust. He didn't even know if he could trust himself. His heart and mind were in such pain that he felt that nothing could help him, could save him.

 

“Leave,” he choked.

 

“Sergeant Barnes-”

 

Faster than the new SHIELD director could blink, a shoe was off of the soldier's foot and was flung at the door. For being thrown with his non-dominant hand, it was still an accurate shot. It hit the observation window square in the middle over the man's face. It caused him to frown.

 

“Next you want to fuckin' talk to me, it goddamned better be about how to get fuckin' rid of me for killin' Steve!” he screamed.

 

He didn't see the pained look in Coulson's eyes. He heard the man walk away, speaking with Natasha with hushed voices. He's sure they thought he couldn't hear, but he knew they were trying to take pity on him.

 

Why did no one believe him? Why did no one believe he killed Steve? His lover's blood was on his hands. He could feel it on his flesh hand though the evidence of it had been washed away. He knew that there had to be some on the metal hand.

 

His breathing shook. He shook his head.

 

He'd killed his best friend, his brother, his lover. He'd killed the last shred of life from his past, his last link of hope. He'd destroyed what little love he'd had left. Sure his therapist would say that he had friends, that he still had that shred of hope, that light. He would argue that no, he didn't, that it was far to dark to see that light, to see any light.

 

It was another part of why he had the others detain him, put him in this cell. He wanted to make sure they could watch him. He wanted to make sure that they would stop him from...

 

He didn't know what he would do. He'd killed Steve and now he had nothing left. Nothing left to live for, even if he'd made a promise so long ago. A promise to keep going, a promise to live.  Had he actually made that promise, though? Or was it something his mind made up?

 

Then again, if the memory was real, that had been made before he'd fucked up and got himself flung off a train and turned into a goddamned lab rat. That was before Steve had crashed a damned plane into the ocean. Before he'd been forced to go and become a master assassin. Before he'd gone and nearly killed the love of his life. Before...

 

Before he'd been _saved_.

 

"Stevie,"  he almost whimpered, his voice weak.

 

Bucky curled in on himself, head down on his knees as he backed himself into a corner. He didn't know how long he'd been there in that room. Didn't care either. Though by the judgment of how many trays of food had been brought to him, it'd been at least two days. Two days and he'd been forced to wait on how he would be dealt with as a murderer for killing an American symbol.

 

At least his ribs were healed. This way they could kill him when he was at full health rather than watch him writhe in two different forms of pain. He supposed it was for the better that they kill him while healthy. It wouldn't have made sense for his old handlers at Hydra to do the same.

 

But then again, they also believed in torture for submission.

 

After a while, the brunette felt his body start to tremble. He wasn't scared, but he wasn't cold. Was it just the memories of the torture that he went through? That had to have been it, nothing else.

 

His mind started to become fuzzy and blurred. He shook his head, trying to clear it. What was going on? Why was he feeling so... bleery?

 

Bucky slowly stood up from the corner he was in. He was still depressed, the stress was getting to him. That's what it had to be. Stress and depression would cause him to feel weak and tired. He knew this from both experience and...

 

And...

 

He'd only taken a few steps forward into the room before everything went woozy. The edges of his vision blurred, then turned gray before going black. His head spun and the world felt as though it would tilt. His breathing shook.

 

“What... what is...” the man uttered weakly. He took a knee shakily before he felt himself fall to the side, not even feeling the table his head had hit on the way down.

 

The sounds around him became muffled. He was having trouble hearing as a hum filled his ears, slowly turning to a soft but high-pitched whistle. He didn't know what was going on around him, if something was going on at all. His vision darkened and his eyes closed.

 

The blissful black. That's what he needed...

 

That's what he deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know that this chapter was shorter than the others, but I have my reasons for that. You'll find out in the next chapter what I was doing. Unless you guys actually pay attention to the notes and really DO go and check out stephrc79 and petite-madame's stuff like I am constantly telling y'all to do!
> 
> Which if you do, you may have an idea from petite's posts from back in... March, I do believe. Well at least to her The Life of Bucky Barnes instagram/tumblr.


	6. Waking in the Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky wakes up. The truth is revealed. Hopefully change will happen for the better soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! End of the line, at least for this story. If you want to see where this leads to, go read Stephrc79's The Life of Bucky Barnes. Her story based on the artwork by petite-madame is SO amazing. PLEASE!! Go see what I'm talking about!
> 
> MINOR SPOILERS!
> 
> This does contain references to Captain America: Civil War. I have seen the movie at this point, so if you have as well, you know what's being said here. If not well... It's not too terrible, since you learn about it at the beginning of the movie but... yeah. Still there.

There was a steady beeping in the black dark of Bucky's mind.

 

Mentally he groaned. Why was an alarm going off? He didn't want to wake up. He didn't want to come back to a world that Steve wasn't in. He didn't want to wake up.

 

He tried to lift his right arm, finding it difficult to. Why did it feel like he had so little strength? What had happened to him? He tried again, mentally smiling to himself that he could. That was good, that was progress.

 

And the beeping continued.

 

The former soldier tried to reach over with his (somewhat heavy) hand. It was caught, however, by a familiar hand. A hand that made him freeze in fear and non-believing. It was a hand he knew all too well. One that was so gentle to him, so kind...

 

That hand shouldn't be there.

 

That hand shouldn't...

 

It couldn't be there.

 

A soft whimper left Bucky's lips as he didn't want to believe. It wasn't possible. There had been so much blood. The Chitauri... The stab wounds that he had made...

 

It wasn't...

 

He'd killed him.

 

“Please Buck,” came that hesitant but calming whisper, “Please wake up. Please come back to me.”

 

That plea. He knew that plea...

 

“ _Please wake up... Come back to me...”_

 

It was the same one from the park. From when he had been under Loki's control. From when he had...

 

From just before he'd killed the owner.

 

A tear rolled down his cheek, eyes still closed. He didn't want to believe. It wasn't true. It was to much to hope beyond hope and dream beyond dream that it was real.

 

“Bucky please... please wake up for me, sweety... please...”

 

“Dun wanna,” he choked back a sob, “Dun wanna go back to a world where you're dead... Don't make me.”

 

There was a hissed curse under his breath. “I'm not dead. I won't die yet, Buck. Not when we have a lifetime still. I'm not leavin' 'til the end of the line. And that's still a ways off.”

 

A whimper left the brunette's lips as he slowly opened his eyes. The hospital light was blinding, but he was able to get through it, get past it. He looked blearily over to his right, where the beeping and the voice came from.

 

There, dressed in hospital scrubs looking a little worse for wear – not to mention slightly pale – was Steve Rogers. His boyfriend. His very much  _alive_ boyfriend. His hair was slightly mussed (probably from a hospital bed pillow), his eyes were tired (why would they be tired?) and his grip was...

 

His hand was shaking.

 

His entire body was shaking.

 

“Shit Buck, you scared the hell out of everyone.”

 

“You're... you're real... You're here...” The words weren't louder than a whisper.

 

“Of course I am Buck. A little blood loss is nothing to us, remember? When rested, we heal quickly. You know this,” Steve reminded, a frown etched into his features.

 

“But... you were... you were bleeding out. More than you should have. The Chitauri... and... I... I must have hit vitals.”

 

“Lucky you cut clean. Docs were able to stitch me up.”

 

A shaky breath left Bucky's lips as he closed his eyes again. He swallowed hard before opening them.

 

“Steve... He found _the words_.”

 

If Steve was still pale from the blood loss, then the brunette watched him go white as a sheet. “The words?”

 

Bucky nodded. “The ones Hydra used.”

 

“But psychs... And Stephen... They... How could Loki...”

 

“I don't know Stevie, but Loki found and reactivated them. God, I screamed in my head... I didn't want to go back... I didn't want to become that again, Stevie.”

 

The blonde's breathing shook as he took in the severity of the situation. Bucky watched as the love of his life was mentally struggling. They didn't want to go through that again. They didn't want to go through that pain again, that loss.

 

“We heard you scream... All of us... You didn't just scream in your head, Buck. You were crying. Pleading. We heard when you went silent...”

 

Bucky felt his heart race. When he'd gone silent was when...

 

That had been when the Winter Soldier returned.

 

“When you went silent... We knew something was wrong. We were fucking terrified that he'd killed you. And then... To hear... To hear that... Shit Buck, we can't imagine the hell you went through. _I_ can't imagine that.”

 

Steve's eyes became pained.

 

“And then to learn from you now that the pain was from reactivation of.... _those words_... Buck...”

 

Bucky looked away, his eyes pained. He didn't care who came in or saw at the moment, making an off-hand note that three people had just entered. It didn't matter to him. They had to...

 

_He_ had to.

 

“I'm not safe anymore Stevie,” he whispered.

 

“Bullshit!” the person in question hissed, “You're fine!”

 

“I was compromised!”

 

“Against your will! You were forced!”

 

“I hurt Clint!”

 

A snort came from the other side of the room. “I'm fine,” Clint's voice replied, “Arm's in a sling, but I'll live.”

 

Bucky's voice broke as he gazed at his boyfriend. “I killed you.”

 

There was a beat of silence. Eyes softened. “Who told you that?”

 

“Me. No one had to tell me. I saw it done with my own hands... with my own eyes.”

 

There was a frown. “Did no one tell you that I was alive?”

 

“Oh, we tried,” Tony's voice snarked, “Your boy didn't wanna listen.”

 

Steve sighed. Bucky watched as he closed his eyes. What was he trying to think of? Was he disappointed in him?

 

“And because you thought you'd killed me, what did you do?”

 

“Arm removed-”

 

“Which didn't need to happen, but now I get to look at some sweet new-old tech,” Tony spoke again, receiving a glare.

 

“-handed over weapons-”

 

“All his knives and guns are back in weapons storage in their places,” Clint cleared up.

 

“-detainment.”

 

“He wouldn't shut up until we put him there,” the Iron Man maker explained.

 

A soft huff of air was heard before a small nod. “All necessary precautions after being compromised. You had enough of your own mind back to think that clearly,” Steve agreed, “So that was good, though I do agree that the arm was a bit much.”

 

Bucky shrugged. “Arm is a weapon.”

 

“The arm is part of you.”

 

“Didn't Bruce say that?” Clint questioned, getting a soft hum from Tony and the third guest, which sounded like Thor.

 

“Bucky, I also noticed that your account is gone.”

 

His account? His Instagram had actually been shut down? They'd actually...

 

“It was just one picture,” he spoke softly, “No reason to keep it... especially after what happened after the picture.”

 

“Shame too,” Tony mentioned, “picture got real hot real fast. But... if that was the account that crashed Instagram then what can you do, right?”

 

Bucky knew that Tony was lying his ass off, but he mentally thanked him for it. It gave him peace of mind. He didn't want to do something again, especially something like this. At least for a little while.

 

“Our picture...” Steve uttered.

 

“Crashed Instagram. I don't think I've seen a photo liked so much so fast.”

 

As if to prove it was the truth, the billionaire took his phone out. He quickly flipped through things on it before activating the holo screen. Before them was the picture with over 4,100 likes.

 

“I was able to grab this screenshot before it crashed. This was literally hours after he had posted it.”

 

Him and Steve... The two of them were so loved by the world, especially Steve. So many people loved the Captain, so to see who was basically his second in command with him again. Not only that, but to see them so intimate. That smile... the laugh... So rare a thing during battle during the war. To see it now...

 

“All those people... really liked it?” Bucky's voice was shaky, hesitant to believe.

 

Tony looked right at him. The look in his eyes said enough. That part had been the truth. All the likes of the picture had been real. Maybe not a couple hours true, but they were still real.

 

“Why wouldn't they? You two are the love story of the century,” Clint commented.

 

“Aye. One to make even Lady Jane swoon at,” Thor agreed, “I know she would like the photo that you have taken, Sergeant. In fact I am quite sure that she had been one of those many thousand to enjoy that picture you so wonderfully took.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Bucky fell silent. He wasn't sure what to do next... or what to say. His mind still kept returning to the fact that the words were active again. It wasn't good for him. It wasn't good for anyone.

 

“Steve...”

 

“Buck, we seriously need to talk about this,” Steve started again, “About you.”

 

“What's there to talk about, Steve?” he murmured, “Loki activated me again. During a fight with Hydra. They still have the book - ”

 

“Actually,” Clint interrupted, “we have it.”

 

“I have a very safe place for it. Keeping it locked up tight so that way no one but me can get to it,” Tony smirked, “and I'm not gonna need it anytime soon.”

 

The brunet sniper visibly relaxed. If the book was hidden, Hydra wouldn't be able to use him. However, that still meant that...

 

“Loki knows the words. He'll use them again. Use me against you again.”

 

“Loki has been dealt with,” Thor spoke kindly but strongly, “and has sworn to me that he never truly found what the trigger was. Just that he had found it and made it work.”

 

“Sly fucker,” the archer muttered.

 

Bucky fell silent again. He closed his eyes, taking slow breaths. He was starting to feel that pull from before again. The pull from when he was in the room.

 

“Buck...?”

 

He waved off his boyfriend a little. “'M okay.”

 

“No you aren't sweetheart,” Clint smirked, “But we got Cho on the case. Got her in as soon as we caught video of your collapse.”

 

He flinched. They had seen him fall. That made him more ashamed than just knowing he'd fallen.

 

“Calm down, Mr. Freeze,” Tony sighed, “We just wanna know what's going on with you.”

 

Bucky sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get out of this easily. “Well... When I'm released,” he finally mentioned, “I'm...”

 

He swallowed a little.

 

“Bucky?”

 

“I'm gonna need my therapist.”

 

 

 

 

CONTINUED IN _The Life of Bucky Barnes_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SOOOOOOO MUCH for reading this guys! It means so much that I was able to take inspiration from both an artist AND a fellow writer and be allowed to play in their worlds! It was an amazing experience and I have to say a huge shout out thank you to both stephrc79 and petite-madame for being such wonderful inspirations and for giving me permission to play.
> 
> Yes, I know the end was kind of abrupt, but I didn't want to go too far in before I hit steph's story. Basically what you can figure is this:  
> ~Bucky and Tony designed Bucky's new arm  
> ~More therapy for Bucky  
> ~Bucky got a haircut, started actually working for S.H.I.E.L.D.
> 
> And the rest is The Life of Bucky Barnes

**Author's Note:**

> Please please PLEASE go check out Petite-Madame and Stephrc79! I wouldn't be able to do this without their inspiration and their permissions! They deserve SO MUCH LOVE!
> 
> petite-madame: http://petite-madame.tumblr.com
> 
> stephrc79: http://stephrc79.tumblr.com/
> 
> Stephrc79's The Life of Bucky Barnes Series (including Petite Madame's original instagram/tumblr art):  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/3376088/chapters/7384379


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